I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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