Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
