All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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