and you said cock pushups were impossible
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think your dad took our porno
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
