i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
