guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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