What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
