Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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