i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
