woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
