i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
