It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
