He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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