The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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