I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
