he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
