pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
