I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
