If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
