I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
