Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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