i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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