Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
