Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
