WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
