In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
