Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
