I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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