A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
