hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
