I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
