she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
