found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
