You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
