I'm gonna have a badass scar
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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