Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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