So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
