So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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