quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
