I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
