pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
