Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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