that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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