I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
