Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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