Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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