That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
