Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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