we're chasing vodka with high fives
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
