You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
