thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
