you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
