i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We don't watch enough power rangers
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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