yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
